Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Skeletons and Vampires
VAMPIRES AND SKELETONS
HELLO..'ERE..LOOK AT ALL THESE VAMPIRES.
WE'RE LIVING WITH THE VAMPIRES AND SKELETONS (X4)
IT'S REALLY TRUE...WHAT CAN WE DO
THEY'RE AFTER YOU...AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU
VAMPIRES ARE VICIOUS AND THEY GO FOR YOUR NECK
THEY HASSLE YOU AND BITE YOU UNTIL YOU ARE A WRECK
SKELETONS ARE LUMPY LIKE AN OLD BAG OF BONES
ALL JOINED TOGETHER AT APPROPRIATE ZONES
IT.S REALLY TRUE...WHAT CAN WE DO
WE'RE IN A STEW...THAT'S ME AND YOU AND YOU
WEREWOLVES ARE WICKED AND THEY HOWL AT THE MOON
YOU'D BETTER STAY AT HOME OR THEY WILL CATCH YOU REAL SOON
MONSTERS ARE SCARY AND THEY BITE OFF YOUR HEAD
TEETH ARE LIKE GRAVESTONES AND THEIR EYES ARE RED
IT'S REALLY TRUE...I'M REALLY BLUE
HOW DO YOU DO...WE'RE IN A TERRIBLE STEW
MONSTERS ARE CLUMSY ALWAYS KNOCKING YOU DOWN
BOGEY-MEN COME FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF TOWN
ALIENS ARE WICKED AND THEY COME FROM THE STARS
GREMLINS ARE A NUISANCE AND THEY DAMAGE YOUR CARS
VAMPIRES AND ALIENS........LAAAAA!
(This Song Can Be Seen On YouTube)
Vampires and Skeletons...was written for the Burial Ground Lane pop-horror-opera...known to many dozens of South-East music fans as another one of those damn UFK musicals. Oh...and that's a compliment. It is also a tribute to Andy Export's father...who was actually a vampire. No...not a real vampire...that would be silly. He played second-accordion in the 50's shuffle-band, Maidstone & District Vampires...one of the first ensembles to experiment with feedback...on a squeezebox.
The remarkable thing about this tale is that whilst Andy's father was clearly not a vampire..his Uncle Jack was definitely a skeleton...as he'd died years before. (He died a natural death...he was hit by a car) Andy's accordion-pumping dad lives in the USA now. The young song-writer...we're talking about Andy here...fondly recalls the day he found out his parents were leaving...at the breakfast table on a dark October morning.
"Wonderful News" said his Mum "Daddy has had a breakdown and we have to move to Florida"
Andy sulked...played sloppily with his eggy-soldiers and dripped snot into his drinking chocolate...before realising that he was late for work at the Tovil Treacle Mines.
In the Burial Ground Lane musical...this is the part when the Sleletons and Vampires appear...dancing together...in the Old Rectory at Municipal Dump Road. Everybody jumps out of their skin and then the Demon Woodlice sing the song. Unlucky Fried Kitten cut the last verse about the Cockney Vampire meeting the Demure Russian Flower-Seller in the Old Kent Road...after local protest from the local Russian Flower Shop...and from one of it's pretty female street vendors. The last line had been "She May Be Russian But The look In Her Eye Is International" I guess that doesn't matter now.
Have a nice cup of tea and listen to this song. When people hear this song in the musical...in the theatre...they usually clap...but they clap their hands over their ears.