Wednesday 21 January 2009

loserville.com



loserville.com

HE LIVES LIKE ALBERT STEPTOE
IN SOME DUMP IN MILTON KEYNES
HE SHARES HIS FLAT WITH A MANKY CAT
AND SOME DIRTY MAGAZINES
HE'S DONE HIS HAIR LIKE BECKHAM
HE'S ADDICTED TO CUSTARD CREAMS
HE BUYS HIS GRUB IN NETTO
HE'S ONLY SEVENTEEN

CLICK A MOUSE TO FIND A SPOUSE IN LONELY HEARTS AND ROMANCE
WW.LOSERVILLE.COM
CLICK A MOUSE TO FIND A SPOUSE IN LONELY HEARTS AND ROMANCE
WW.WEIRDO-VILLE.COM

SHE LIVES IN DIGS IN CHATHAM
SURVIVES ON K.F.C.
SHE WORKS IN MARKS AND SPENCER'S
SECOND FLOOR LINGERIE
EVENINGS ON THE INTERNET
SEARCHING FOR THE ONE
SHE FRIGS HERSELF OFF TO KILROY
SHE'S ONLY TWENTY-ONE

CLICK A MOUSE ETC

NOW THIS ONE HE PLAYS FOOTBALL
HE LIVES ALONG THE COAST
WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME ROUND SUNDAY
FOR THE SUNDAY ROAST
HIS APARTMENT IS NEAT AND TIDY
WITH POSTERS OF PELE IN IT
HE AIN'T GOT MUCH CONVERSATION BUT
AT LEAST YOU KNOW HE'S FIT

CLICK A MOUSE

(This Song Can Be Seen On YouTube)

This song was inspired by the defunct dating agency set up in Kent by the gnarly old woman they they called Twisted Peggy. Arguably the first dating agency of it's kind it was started in a time when personal computers were the stuff of schoolboy fiction. Loserville...the dating agency...briefly went dot-com later on..in the early days of the internet...but it floundered in the sea of info-techno when the big boys of the web rode into town. The story behind Loserville goes like this. In the darkened corridors of an Edwardian property in South-East England lived a woman called Twisted Peggy...and I've already told you that. That wasn't her real name, of course. It was what the locals called her. She hated apples...but that has nothing to do with this saga. She was a bitter old hag because, like Miss Haversham in Great Expectations, she had been jilted at the aisle. At first she turned to drink...though she managed to stick to her rule of drinking only when she was alone...or with somebody. Peggy obsessed about the Dickens character and even bought her mansion in Faversham, Kent, because it rhymed with Haversham. (seriously...I would tell you no lie). She brooded for years...eating only stale bread in a symbolic nod to aged wedding cake. TP (can you see what I've done there? Shortened Twisted Peggy to TP...amazing) set Loserville up with an aim to join unlikely people together to ruin their lives...to set the record straight for her ruined life. Unlikely pairings were the norm (some say the idea for Wife-Swap came from TP's enterprise) Along came the internet and TP saw this as another tool for exacting her sweet revenge. Loserville.com brought men and women of all shapes and sizes together. Well...maybe not of ALL shapes and sizes...that would be frankly bizarre. Picture a 90ft man formed like a windmill with a broken sail romancing a snowflake-shaped woman of 2ft and a half and you'll see how ridiculous was my last statement. Sorry. So...if you are patrolling the internet in search of that "special person" please remember to carry a big stick and some kind of evil-repellant lucky amulet..for when you stumble upon "loserville.com"
Having said that...the agency was shut down in 2004 when Twisted Peggy was found to be living with a Dutch fisherman called Stefan.....so they say.

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