Monday, 26 January 2009

Free The MySpace 3

The world of on-line social networking was rocked from it’s foundations when the story of a 3-prong ban on “the crucial three” burst into the media arena a few days ago. The 3 banished from the MySpace Alternative Music Forums were Pizt, Reavsey and Andy Export.

It was reported that extreme fans of industrialist journeyman, Pizt, were hurling themselves into the jaws of saltwater crocodiles in his Australian homeland. These reports have yet to be substantiated fully…but early news suggests that at least 2 men have suffered the self-inflicted atrocity. Police in Victoria, Australia, are appealing for calm and have issued the following statement “We cannot confirm or deny the crocodile rumours at this stage of our investigation…but we are obliged to announce that we have set up a hotline for missing relatives. We are in negotiations with a local counselling service and will keep the public updated as and when we get some news.

On the other side of the world in sleepy Medway…in the Garden of England, Kent…a battle of minds is taking place within the corridors of control in the Medway Delta. Reavsey has long been a favourite son of the Chatham, Rochester and Gillingham Scene and his devotees are understandably shocked at the news of his ban. One notary suggested that the veto of Reavsey, the Urban Punk Folkist, masks “an agenda closer to the evil machinations of an Orwellian State” Reavsey is currently in hiding in a 20ft trailer in an unspecified trailer park on the Isle of Sheppey. Rumours that he is under Trailer-Arrest and that he has been parted from his beloved pen and paper have yet to be confirmed. As this goes to press, a lone woman weeps outside the Gala Bingo Hall in Chatham….a spiritual home to Reavsey’s followers.

Ten miles away in Maidstone, Kent, Andy Export has been admitted to a Home for the Bewildered. On hearing the news of his banishment he took to the streets of the County Town and smashed some of his paintings with a crude garden implement. In a swift operation by The Kent police Andy was spirited away to the un-named Home for Confused Non-Entities. Tributes are pouring onto YouTube for his pop band Unlucky Fried Kitten, who’s future now has to be in serious doubt. Social speculators are asking the question….how can anyone come back from this? In fact…in a hastily arranged press conference at The Cherry Tree PH in Barming….local inn-keeper and entrepreuner, Paul “Rats” Wratten said “How can anyone come back from this?”

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Free The MySpace 3

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