The Ghost Train

THE GHOST TRAIN

THIS IS THE GHOST TRAIN MATEY
SO GET ON BOARD
YOU SAVED HARD FOR THE TICKET
AND THIS IS YOUR REWARD
YOU'RE FEELING GOOD TODAY
THE WHISTLE BLOWS YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY
THUNDERING ALONG THE HAUNTED TRACK

THIS IS THE GHOST TRAIN SO FAST AND LOUD
YOU SEE THE SKELETONS AND SPIDERS AS YOU RACE BY
YOU'RE ON THE GHOST TRAIN WITH THE GHOSTLY CROWD
AND NOW WE 'RE STORMING THROUGH THE TREES
LET'S HAVE YOUR TICKETS PLEASE

LIKE A KALEIDOSCOPE
IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND
GO AROUND A CORNER
YOU'RE IN ANOTHER LAND
YOU'RE IN A FOREST NOW
RINKY-DINK AND HOLY COW
THUNDERING ALONG THE HAUNTED TRACK

THIS IS THE GHOST TRAIN WITH BELLS AND LIGHTS
THERE ARE A THOUSAND MILLION COBWEBS
DRAGGING THROUGH YOUR HAIR
YOU'RE ON A GHOST TRAIN SO SCREAM TONIGHT
AND WHEN YOU MAKE IT TO THE END
YOU'LL THINK YOU'RE ROUND THE BEND

(This Song Can Be Seen On YouTube)

In 1972 Andy built a ghost train in his back garden at The New Bungalow in Brenchley, Kent, with the assistance of his three pals...Ashley, Greg and Russell. They all lived in Palmer's Green Lane...between Brenchley and Castle Hill. (Brothers Ash, Greg and Russ Bournes resided at Town Farm) David Rhys-Jones...and his sister Sophie lived opposite Town Farm in Homestead Cottage. Twenty-Seven years later Sophie married Prince Edward...but not before she'd seen the fabled local landmark that was the "Palmer's Green Lane Ghost Train" Andy and his friends made the carriages from orange boxes painted in dark twisted black and red colours to represent the gloominess of the night and the redness of the Manchester United shirt worn so stylishly at the time by George Best. The tracks on which the ghost train ran were made from sticks and tarpaulin.(tarpaulin supplied by Andy's lorry-driver Uncle) The sticks were cut from the branches of a local tree nick-named Big Oak.....which was made of oak. The tree was rather big. Andy and his gang made dummies of ghosts and bogey-men..and monsters...and they positioned the grotesque figures in the carriages. The ghost train soon became well-known locally and people took their kids to see it. Unlucky Fried Kitten-to-be...Andy Export...knew nothing of capitalism back in 1972...and didn't think of charging a fee to see the only domestic home-made amateur ghost train in the UK. (and possibly in the world) A trick missed indeed.
The Palmer's Green Lane Ghost Train was featured on the national current affairs programme "Panorama" on October 12th 1972 but this was in the days before home videos and home recording...so Andy sadly has no record of it. Unlucky Fried Kitten have announced that they will pay a mouth-watering sum of Ten Thousand Pounds for a copy of the Panorama Programme featuring the home-made ghost-train....so they can instal it to the UFK Dollshouse....where everything Unlucky Fried Kitten goes....or will go eventually. Andy has gone on record saying that he wants the film to show to his own children...who...at time of writing...are constructing a rollercoaster in their garden. Enjoy the ghost train song...and spare a thought for the wild-eyed and youthful kids of the Glam-Rock era who thought they could take on the might of Disneyland.