I WANT 2 B WIV U (domino n philodox / unlucky fried kitten)

This is a cover of an Unlucky Fried Kitten song called I WANT 2 B WIV U.
Andy Fraser, of Unlucky Fried Kitten played the song on acoustic guitar on a Radio Kent interview in 1987. It's the only time the song was ever played in public (other than the Bligh's Bargain Bookstore gig of 2000) and when Domino N Philodox heard the interview....23 years later...he decided to make a cover of the song. Here it is then. Written by Andy Fraser aka Andy Export
Guitars and recording and vocals by Domino N Philodox.

White Van Man

Video made by Andy Export and Rio Fraser of pop band Unlucky Fried Kitten.
Sarah Kennedy coined the phrase "White Van Man" on BBC Radio 2 in 1997 but the origins of the white van man...or of the particular section of society that falls within those boundaries goes back many years.
Michel de Nostredame...better known as Nostradamus...alluded to the phenonemon in a 16th century quatraine..with the line "L'armee Celtique contre les montaignars" (The French army will fight the men from the mountains)This later applied to Henri de La Rochejaquelein's ambush and murder during the White Terror of 1794. It was a clear allusion to the "white vanguard men" of the mountains...who were typically social outcasts.
Later..in Napoleonic times there was much mention of the horsemen on the coarser stock white horses who would lead the line but also who would cause problems by cutting across the path of the finer horsemen. They were dubbed "hommes de la charger de blanc" (white charger men) and were duly looked down upon.
In the late 18th Century the smugglers around the Romney Marsh region of East Kent would use white boats to blend in with the mists and foam around the beaches of Dungeness, Hythe, Dymchurch, Rye, Littlestone and,more commonly, Maidstone. Perhaps the most ruthless of the smuggling gangs was Basil "Flash" Rogers, a member of the notorious Hawkhurst Gang, who spread waves of fear through local communities just by mooring his "white wooden boat" in the harbour. "It's white boat man night tonight" the locals would whisper, knowing that the ale-houses would be rowdy for the evening. Basil was found dead in the cellar of a sleazy warehouse on the sea-front at Boulougne, France, beaten to death with his own paddles...so his reputation came to be his downfall.
Then, of course, in our own modern world we had The Beatles who wrote and recorded The White Album...said to be a searing indictment on social distaste for the working class. In February 1968 The Beatles and their wives flew to India to stay at the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's Himalayan meditation centre at Rishikesh. Starr got bored and came home at the end of the month. McCartney stuck it out till mid March.Lennon and Harrison remained until April. Apart from the mountain air and Transcendental Meditation the most significant thing about The Beatles' stay in Rishikesh was that they were almost entirely drug-free. This undoubtedly cleared their minds and they began to see their clarity as the "white mind" so they were in effect "white mind men" though it has never been substantialised as to how the link moved from "mind" to "van". Some modern students of the Fab Four claim that Lennon refused delivery of a black piano prior to the writing of Imagine...and postponed it's promotion until the famous white piano,that we all know so well now,was delivered instead. (perhaps it was delivered in a white van...driven by a white van man)
Enjoy the song and the video.

1967 Night Medway Eyes

"1967 Night" at the Barge, in Gillingham, was the first Medway Eyes tribute event for Oxjam, after grasping the baton from Bob Collins who had organised previous Oxjam events. It was a packed-to-the-rafters affair featuring songs of The Beatles, The Who, The Monkees, Joni Mitchell and a whole host of others who were prowling the pop charts in that grand Summer of Love. Phil and Lisa's choice of theme threw up some wonderful and colourful performances from a herd of Medway musicians and bands.....and a magnificent summery night's entertainment was had by all....even though it was on January 20th. The charming Barge environment...the bowery den of Layfield Road...was the perfect setting for an evening of retrospect and music. Over 30 songs from 1967....over £150 raised for Oxjam....over 25 strummed guitars. If the players of the night had tried to smash their instruments up as The Who were doing 31 years earlier...it would have taken them all night.
Thankfully we live in an age of fine technology which means there are many photographs and videos of this terrific evening on the net.

Unlucky Fried Kitten Do The Maths

When I went to school we were taught properly. It's interesting to note how questions in exams have changed over the years...to reflect the times. I have dragged the exam papers from my ever-increasing litter of sprogs, from the attic. I noticed an interesting pattern of change in the MATHEMATICS question.

1. Teaching maths in 1970

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.

What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is 80% of the price.

What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80.

How much was his profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.

His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.

Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2005

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.

Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

6. Teaching Maths In 2009

A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target. When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100.

While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a leaving BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

7. Teaching Maths In 2010

A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot with only some government money left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return

to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500

registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonus’s are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.

You do the maths.

8. Teaching Maths 2017

ÌãíÚ ÇáßÝÇÑ æãä ÇáãÞÑÑ ÇÚÏÇã ÇáÐíä íÚíÔæä Ýí ÇáÃÑÖ ÇáÊí æáÏæÇ

(Please excuse the squiggly – I don’t know what it means and my translator couldn’t cope either. It is intended for pictorial use only – and not to offend…)

The Tovil Treacle Mines

Photgraph 1..."TreacleTart"...one of the boats used to transport the treacle from the bridge at Tovil Boatyard to Trebor Sharpe sweet factory.
Photograph 2...The stile over which many a sweet treacle-steeped worker clambered over on their way to the Tovil Treacle Mines.

The Tovil Treacle Mines were the inspiration behind the Unlucky Fried Kitten song, "Shooting Star" which was the top-selling by-product of the treacle mines. The Shooting Star was made using the treacle exclusively mined at Tovil...giving it it's delicious syrupy taste.
"Unlucky Fried Kitten At Tovil Treacle Mines" can be seen on YouTube...with the "Shooting Star" song as accompaniment.
There is a Facebook Group for the Tovil Treacle Mines....from which the following information is gathered. Please enjoy reading about the history of this fascinating industry once set in the heart of rural Kent:

A historical reference to the days of the fully operational Tovil Treacle Mines set in the Loose Valley and Tovil region of Maidstone, Kent. The pinpoint location is actually Bockingford...a tiny settlement in the aforesaid region.
Tovil Treacle Mine once supplied treacle and liqorice to most of Kent's sweet manufacturers....and almost exclusively to Trebor Sharp's in the town. (now taken over by Cadburys)
I realise that this will be a seldom visited group because the Tovil Treacle Mine closed in the 1950's so it's not like there are hoardes of ex-employees raggling around on Facebook. However...if anyone has any memories of the old place please feel free to contribute. I do have some pictures..taken by my Grandfather, who sadly left us in the 70's. (he didn't die..he just left us) I shall put them on here when I locate them. I'll make some more posts in a short while...to tell you what I recall of the legendary Tovil Treacle Mines (stories passed on by my Grandfather and his cronies.

Wow...I just done some research and found that it didn't close in the 50's...it was, in fact, still going in the 70's...but only on a small scale. I remember it being operational...but I thought it had been taken over by a German firm. I'm pleased to say that I can remember it now. Incidentally...I also found...that the mines were closed throughout World War 2 for security reasons after the Luftwaffe were found to be using the vast "treacle fires" as navigational aid....very interesting.


I have uploaded a video shot in the beautiful Bockingford region.
The Tovil Treacle mines were here.
Bockingford is also known for it's water mills and for the production of very expensive artist paper.
In the video you can see the majestic Treacle Tower which still stands today. Hopefully it will remain there for a long while...but these things are never certain. The top of the tower was sealed off in the 1950's after 2 local youths fell to their death whilst trying to get some "treacle scrapings" from inside the rim of the tower. Some say the tower is haunted and that you can hear the lads' deathly wail if you press your ear firmly to the tower.

The Ice-Cold Oggie soft-drinks factory was situated fifty metres up the road on Teasaucer Hill. (metres were called yards in those days) Ice-Cold Oggies came in a variety of flavours including raspberry and lemon-lime and, of course, treacle

Although the Treacle Oggie was the most densely produced soft-drink at the Ice-Cold Oggie factory it was not considered to be the most delicious flavour. That mantle is bestowed upon the Barming Cherry flavour...made from cherries picked at arguably the UK's finest cherry-growing region of Barming, on the outskirts of Maidstone.
The factory founder-owner, Mr Harold "Slash" Wildly would make a twice-weekly trip to Barming on the trolley-bus which ended at the Barming Terminus and he would meet the local cherry-farmers in the Cherry Tree public house across the road....where they would thrash out their best prices for the world-famous Barming Cherries.
Back at Bockingford the valley was a favourite location of landscape artists....often seen capturing the idyllic rural scene of the streams and the mills...munching on a Shooting Star or a Treacle Tartello and guzzling on a Blackberry and Damson Ice-Cold Oggie.

An original Barming Cherry Ice-Cold Oggie sold on e-bay recently for £16,500...to a Japanese soft-drinks bottle collector


In the video you can see a row of cottages on the left-hand side. These were occupied by the managers and foremen of the Tovil Treacl Mines. Each dwelling had it's own Treacle Well in the back garden.


The Picnic Table was put in place to replace the Freddie Tubbs Oak Memorial Bench stolen in 1985. The bench was put in place as a tribute to Freddie who perished in the Tovil Treacle Mine Disaster of 1964. He saved the lives of many treacle workers and although he wasn't the sole casulty (twelve men died in the collapse of the Lower Bockingford Mine) he is certainly the most remembered.

QUOTES

Jeremy Rowling- my mum used to live in Larkfield and she told me she could remember the smell of the treacle mines when she was a little girl, I'm surprised that Maidstone does not encourage tourism by telling everyone about the mines. well done andy for bringing this tiny corner of confectionery heritage to facebook

Stephen Piper- I live right on Bockingford, you can still hear the Ghost Miners shuffling their pots at night on a still night, some say they still mine for the old liquid gold to this day, led by old "Sticky Widget" treacle foreman from hell.

Rio Fraser- I know of people who have seen those ghosts....sticky hair, bulbous noses, glazed skin and molasses-fever. Not a pretty sight.

Ollie Supercat- I'm happy that you desire to pay homage to one of our lost traditional industries. They actually grow treacle in laboratories now....which I think is disgusting.

Gypsy by The Martini Slutz with Unlucky Fried Kitten

Mildred Littlefair...who was gypsy girl Marnie Allbright in a previous life.

Marnie Allbright was a gypsy girl known around the Weald of Kent as a ferocious camp-site dancer. She made dance her medium in a time before television and radio were the norm...and people flocked from yards around to see her frenetic fire-side gyrations...incorporating a cast of woodland animals...mostly rabbits and wildcats.
Fire was discovered a long time before the rabbit...most historians concur...and Marnie fused the two together with remarkable style. Old eye-witness accounts say that "when she danced her feet never touched the floor" (perhaps she was wearing shoes)
Marnies is documented in the anthology "15 Short Stories For Squirrels" written by a young Andy Export..and buried in a box at The Hilly Fields in the valley between Brenchley and Castle Hill. The manuscript was buried in 1971...by Andy himself and he claims it was never recovered....though there have been rumours that it has exchanged hands for £14 (plus £1.99 post and packaging)...yet to be substantiated.
The song itself..."Gypsy" was recorded in an aircraft hanger at West Malling Airfield...now a housing estate called Kingshill. Astute observers will recognise that West Malling Airfield has played it's own part in rock history as the location for The Beatles "Magical Mystery Tour" film of 1967. The airfield furthered it's link to the pop landscape when punk band 'V2086'...named after the Catalogue number to the Sex pistols "Never mind The Bollocks" album...signed their ill-fated record deal in the Spitfire pub...next to Asda...on the estate. 'V2086' vanished mid-way through a gig at the Royal Albion boozy biker pub in Havock Lane, Maidstone..in the late 80's. They have not surfaced since. Their much-rejoiced debut single "Pop Group" can still be heard in The UFK Dollshouse...with an accompanying slideshow on YouTube.
Marnie Allbright came back in a later life as Mildred Littlefair...the psychic who has worked so closely with Unlucky Fried Kitten in the UFK Dollshouse. She likes cats.
The Beatles went on to have a successful recording career...only eclipsed by the emergence of global genius Chad Kroeger and his astonishingly innovative rock band, Nickelback.

The Life and Times of an Old Penny

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A PENNY

IN 1940
I STARTED MY LIFE
A LONDON DOCKER
BOUGHT FLOWERS FOR HIS WIFE
THEY LIVED IN PLAISTOW
JEFFERSON ROAD
NUMBER 60
THEIR HUMBLE ABODE

I AM A PENNY X 4

I WENT TO LEYSDOWN
TARNISHED BUT CLEAN
I SPENT SIX MONTHS THERE
IN SLOT MACHINES
ACROSS TO MAIDSTONE
IN A WIDOWER’S PURSE
HE SPENT ME WISELY
ON A BOOK OF SAD VERSE

I AM A PENNY X 4

I PAID FOR TOFFEE-APPLES AND CUBAN CIGARS
THE BEANO AND THE DANDY AND MILK CHOCOLATE BARS
PAINTED LEAD SOLDIERS AND LACES FOR SHOES
MY LITTLE BABY COUSIN ENDED UP IN TOULOUSE

THE 1950′S
THEY WERE A BORE
8 YEARS IN BOURNEMOUTH
IN THE BACK OF A DRAWER
I MIXED WITH MOTH-BALLS
CANDLES AND SNUFF
GREASEPROOF PAPER
BUT MOSTLY JUST FLUFF

I AM A PENNY X 4

FORGET THE 50′S
THE DECADE WAS DRAB
BRING ON THE 60′S
GROOVY AND FAB
I WENT TO NIGHTCLUBS
IT WAS INSANE
MEMORIES ROLLING
DOWN PENNY LANE

A LITTLE KID’S COLLECTION IN ”79
THEY COVERED ME IN BRASSO TO GIVE ME A SHINE
WITH THE COINS FROM THE MERSEY AND THE THAMES AND THE TYNE
CHEERS TO ELVIS COSTELLO FOR THE USE OF THAT RHYME

I AM A PENNY X 4

Jeremy Rowling and Andy Export of Unlucky Fried Kitten were chatting about the way things move along in life…well…they were talking about the life of Unlucky Fried Kitten at first…how it had changed and evolved since 1995 when it first leapt out of a box….a metaphorical box, that is. Well…all things change, don’t they? It lead on to them thinking about how certain twists of fate move certain things to certain parts of the world. So…Andy very quickly penned this ditty…as an example. Unlucky Fried Kitten…The Life and Times of an Old Penny.
So....how did Andy know where this penny had been since 1940? Easy. He enlisted the help of New Wave Psychic, Mildred Littlefair. This is a great time to introduce the sterling work of Mildred..who has become almost an ancilliary member of UFK....assisting in various songs and experiments from within the UFK Dollshouse. Mildred, a gypsy dancer in a previous life*, has proved to be a valuable help in such projects as "The Unlucky Fried Kitten Copy and Paste Conspiracy Theory", the "Pub-Table Through The Ages" saga, the "Isle of Sheppey Refurbishment Disaster" and other works. She's a strange girl (since someone told her she had a nice profile she always tries to walk sideways) but she has been a wonderful help to the cause of UFK.
For this song she retraced the steps of the 1940 penny...for a payment of a box of fading photographs of sheds of Old England. It was a difficult task for Mildred...she lost a lot of weight and had to sleep on a bed of pre-decimalisation goatskin eiderdowns...to get the connection.
*it was discovered, through regression, that Mildred was once a gypsy dancer girl called Marnie Allbright...from the pre-Victorian Woodlands of Sittingbourne.